No one can always have a smooth life, and all kinds of misfortunes will come our way. At this time, in addition to learning to vent our inner pain, we must also learn to be kind to ourselves and comfort ourselves, i.e. rely on self-regulation and self-relief to eliminate our internal pain and achieve psychological balance.
Once upon a time, a fox heard that there were large bunches of grapes growing on the estate in front of him, so he prepared to go there to taste them. The groups of crystal clear grapes made the fox’s mouth water. However, the farm owner was prepared and had set up the vines high up. Unwilling to give up, the fox jumped up. However, the grapevine was too high, and he was so exhausted that he could not reach the grapes. The fox was disappointed, but he soon reassured himself by saying, “The grapes are not ripe and must be sour.” So he smiled and left. The fable “The Fox Eats Grapes” is well known for its satire on the hypocrisy of the fox, who deceives himself because he cannot eat the grapes. However, this “not eating grapes and saying they are sour” is an effective way to regulate and balance the psyche, which in psychology is called “sour grapes.” Imagine if the fox had not reassured himself that the grapes were sour, he would have suffered because he could not eat them.
Why not learn to be a “smart fox” when we encounter difficulties and resistance?
Some people may not think that self-soothing is self-defeating. It is not. Self-soothing is a way of keeping negative emotions at bay. The simplest example is half a glass of water. Some people will say to themselves, “I’m finished; I only have half a glass of water.” Then they start to curse the world, and in that way, they are miserable. But when we smile and tell ourselves, “Oh, I still have half a glass of water.” Then the heart is filled with optimism and positivity, and the suffering minimizes.
It’s fascinating to see how the same person, faced with the same thing, can be so different because of their inner thoughts. So, instead of wallowing in the pain when it comes, and no one else can help, we should learn to comfort ourselves. If you are in the situation, you know yourself best, you know why you are suffering, and you can treat the pain and relieve it successfully.
When Socrates was single, he lived in a tiny room with some friends, which was very inconvenient. Some people often complained about this, but Socrates consoled himself by saying, “It is very, very good that so many people are together and that they can exchange ideas and feelings with each other at any time.” So he was cheerful all day long. Later, when his friends moved out one after another and Socrates was left alone in the house, he was inevitably a little lonely when he reassured himself by saying, “It is good and good to be alone and quiet, so that I can study carefully.” So he remained fastidious. A few years later, Socrates moved into a seven-storey building and lived on the lowest floor. The ground floor was nasty, with sewage, broken shoes, smelly socks and messes thrown down from above. At this point, Socrates consoled himself by saying, “Living on the ground floor is a home, it’s easy to go up and down the stairs and carry things, and you can grow flowers and plants in the open space …… There are more pleasures than I can count!” When he was asked why he was so happy to live on the top floor, he replied, “No one interferes overhead, and it is very quiet day and night; it is good for health to go up and down several times a day; and the light is good so that reading and writing do not hurt the eyes. “
The circumstances in which Socrates lived were not so good, but he knew how to comfort himself and was always so happy. William James, America’s most revered psychologist, once said, “Our age has made one of the greatest discoveries of all time, that man can change his life by changing his attitude!” Therefore, when you change your mindset, your words, actions, and destiny will change.
There is no absolute right or wrong, good or bad, in many things. If your eyes are full of rubbish, your world will be a putrid place; if your eyes are full of flowers, your world will be glorious. So it is feasible and necessary to engage in timely self-soothing and curb negative emotions. With less pain in your eyes, you can live a more straightforward and happier life.
When someone dies around us, we should be glad that we are still alive while we are sad; when we are sick, we should also be happy that it is not incurable.
